sleep is for the week

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7651003496715492047.post-34643860107414129692007-10-16T01:00:00.000-07:002007-10-16T21:30:15.808-07:002007-10-16T21:30:15.808-07:00sleep is for the weekI can't sleep. I know I haven't written in a long time, but I realized there was not a lot of point in forcing words out if what came out was going to be honest. Sometimes I write when I need to write, and sometimes I don't because I can't. Guess that's why I'm not an English major. But I can't sleep and I can't figure it out. I just spent the last two and a half hours in bed. Restless. Normally I sleep with music on. It's because when it's just me alone with my thoughts, no matter how tired I am, my mind keeps going, and going, and going. Energizer bunny ain't got shit on my gray matter. It's pretty much impossible for me to catch some Z's on it's own. So I started to sleep with the stereo on about midway through high skool. It helps, quite a bit actually. It's just enough to distract my brain to let the natural process take over. But it isn't working tonight, my mind keeps shooting back and forth and back forth. It's like Chinese checkers meets ping-pong meets retard. I bought that condo and have been living here. It's nice. I rent my second room out because I realized that I am a very boring person, and that having a roommate really wouldn't hurt. I've never had a roommate it didn't end on a bad note with. I'm staring to believe it's me. I don't know. I'm a pretty patient person but I can only put up with so much bullshit. I'm not like most 20 year olds, I'm doing so much, so I can only handle so many excuses and retardisms. Luckily my current roommate is the best one I've ever had. I refuse to believe I'm gonna fuck this up. Since I've lived here I've had a neighbor with the shakes sell me a flashlight so she could go get some 'groceries' and some guy I've never seen before lean his head towards my open car window and tell me "Be careful what you wish for". EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE. Skool is ragging on me hard. I come home from work everyday and do about 4 hours of homework. I haven't done less than a 12-14 hour day since the beginning of August. I come home and do calculus till my brain explodes. Then I pick up the pieces and take care of the Espanol I couldn't care less about from one of the most unorganized teachers I've ever had. Then to top it off I do a shit-ton of work in the most mind-numbing of subjects in the world, Accounting. Debits, credits, revenues, expenses, contra accounts, accumulated depreciation. My brain is revolting against me. Work is [So, after a little distance from writing this (and a little bit of sleep) I realized that saying certain things on a non-anonymous blog would not be the most prudent choice. So, while it probably wouldn't matter to 99.999% of you who may come upon this, I figured I would rather be safe than sorry. Let's just say this paragraph would be described as having a tone of 'frustration' - Josh 10/16] Girls. Fuck girls. I've been in the position twice over the last 6 months where a girl wanted a 'real relationship', but then when I inform them that a real relationship means that I have to answer for them and their decisions, and that means no drugs and no retarded drunk decisions and all that comes of it. That what they do reflects on me and I have worked very hard to get where I am. That we have to be on the same page about a lot of things. That I work and go to skool and if they want me to put the effort into a real relationship then they need to do the same. Suddenly they don't want it anymore. Fuck, sometimes I feel like I am so much older than those around me. And then I buy a new toy like an idiot. Speaking of which H3 was great. And I haven't been able to play it nearly as much as I would like too, and yet more than I probably should have. I traded in the Prelude before it died on me. I financed a 2000 Xterra. I like it. Our contract at work is up on December 11th. I've been told not to worry about it, but to be completely honest it scares the shit out of me. I have 70 hours of unused vacation time (and 20 of sick) I need to use before then. But I don't think it's going to happen. I have too much I need to do. I'm finally making a profit on my stock investments. I decided if I play it right I can make myself a lot of money doing that. I need to be careful though. I'm not a gambler by nature. Quite the opposite actually. But risks come with rewards? Is that how the saying goes? Gotta stick my neck out there eventually, on something, I imagine. I want to go on a vacation. A legitimate vacation. Something with no computers and beaches and cerveza and fish tacos. Something different.Joshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17085854505668713495noreply@blogger.com1